Good morning, people of Crumble. We’re coming at you LIVE from the Mayor’s office where he is about to deliv- What do you mean it’s not really live, Mary? I can see you writing it all down as I speak. –Yes it is. That’s exactly what ‘live’ means. I speak it live here at the […]
Read moreYou know, I really didn’t think I would have to write such a seemingly obvious post but here we are. I am dismayed, I despair, I am in great sadness, and it brings me no joy to have to remind you all that the Resisters are a terrorist group and that means, no, they can’t […]
Read moreI have just received some really quite “breaking news”, as we say in the business. In fact, it even put a hole in the wall. Although that was also the doing of some of the Mayor’s henchmen who rather didn’t fit through the door. Mayor Minopoly to announce new funding cuts Well, my dear good […]
Read moreAfter the recent upsurge in nuisance behaviour, back-talking, and wriggling lots when being arrested, Mayor Minopoly in conjunction with the sheriffs office has officially and henceforth banned public displays of resistance. What this means for your daily lives For the most part, most of you should be unaffected by this change in law. If anything, […]
Read moreLet’s just put this out there – yes, for the love all that is sweet and merciful in this fine and terrible Waste, we know the supply convoy was struck last night. You don’t need to keep shouting at us through the windows for goodness’ sake. What happened? As is my public duty that I […]
Read moreJust when you think you know a guy. The sheriff’s office has put out an official bounty and wanted poster for MELVIN LI, the one-time opinions columnist here at the Crumble Bulletin. Henceforth, from this point onwards and until someone who gets paid more than I do says otherwise, Melvin Li is a criminal. Should […]
Read moreThe no-good, criminal-turned-criminal-again Crusty Higgins has been declared Wanted by the sheriffs office after being charged with helping the so-called Resisters. Henceforth, forthwith and forever more until Death does his part, anyone harbouring the known fugitive and quite rude human being known as Crusty Higgins will face the full force of the law. And, given […]
Read moreWe are the Risisters! We’ve hijacked the Crumble Bulletin’s bulletin board to bring you a dire warning. To all those who still defend Mayor Minopoly after all he’s done – the homes, the money, the insults, the so many ‘what whats’ (honestly it’s just…so annoying to listen to) – we have a warning for you. […]
Read moreMost an ear has been found near Old Man McGregor's hovel. Please check the sides of your head, or indeed wherever your ears are located, to see if it is yours.
Read moreThe detestable human being known as Flynn Harris is wanted by the Mayor's Office and sheriff's department. Any citizens who know of his whereabouts are encouraged to step forwards with information, or to attack Mr Harris if he isn't looking.
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