It’s been about a month since I was out of prison now. I’ve been asking around some fellow ex-cons and lemme tell ya: the Crumble prison system is a heap of steaming bullshit. Just about anyone could escape!
This is Melvin Li here, with another one of Melvin’s Opinions.
What happened to our prison?
Yeah yeah yeah, that Melvin and his ranting about the past. OK, I know I go on a lot about the good old days of Crumble, but seriously – what happened to the prison system? Back in my day, if you broke the law, you either got run out of town, run through with a spear, or run over to the jail. And what a jail it was, too. Big stone walls, they were. High-quality metal bars, not like the crappy alloys you get these days from recycling old stuff.
When I was a lad, if you went to prison, you stayed in prison. And oh ho ho did the mutants and Things who lived beneath the floor teach you a lesson or two.
So what’s it like, now?
Listen, I just spent a month in that place for speaking out against the Overlords. OK, fair play, I screwed up and I had a price to pay ’cause of it. But boy, was I disappointed.
Like I said before, just about anyone could break out of that place, now. There’s rust all over the bars, and it looks like they haven’t been replaced in years. A decent rag, a good stick, and a splash of piss and even a senile old cod like Old Man McGregor could bend them apart.
And let’s not even get started on the walls. Those bricks are crumbling so much, I could have probably kicked my way out. If I had a few good meatshields to soak up the bullets from Overlord patrol units while I scarpered, it would have been a cake walk.
Plus, to top off this entire rant, I didn’t hear the scratchy scuttling of a single beastie beneath my cell. There was no whispering in my ears, and I don’t have a single bruise on my neck!
So I’m calling you out, Town Council. Sort this mess out. Get your cocks outta your hands and hold something useful instead, like a fundraiser. The Overlords aren’t going to pay for it, but you bloody well should.
I’m gonna go kick the walls in now, just to prove my point.
– Melvin Li
