Back in my day, folk used to mess each other up when they wanted to lead. It wasn’t a perfect system, but it worked. What do we have now? Well…

This is Melvin Li here, with another one of Melvin’s Opinions.

The good old days

It’s no secret that I preferred the good old days, and I’ll tell you why.

A few decades ago, this town was little more than a patch of dirt with some ruins on it. The river was undrinkable (more so than it is now, anyway), mutants would swarm us once a month from up in the hills, and we people got along just fine. Then those Overlords came and we had a big fight, we lost, they set up shop, and built all this infrastructure. This so-called order.

Well, me and the folk when I was younger didn’t stand for their shit. When too many of our family members – no matter how annoying they were, or how poisonously irradiated – got taken away to be fixed (i.e. tortured), we messed those tin cans up. We hit them with everything we had: planks of wood, rocks, axes, hell … I even smacked one to death with the severed left arm of my grandmother, and she beat another robot to death with her right one.

So, they gave us a mayor and everyone seemed to agree that it was the best outcome. Well, was it?

The crappy new days

What the hell do we have now? The town is still constantly under threat, but we’ve lost that passion for disorder we all once kept so close at heart. A passion that kept the bollocks out of Crumble, might I point out. It took nearly two months for us to finally band together and oust that hero – in my day we would have done it on the spot. There’s good eatin’ on a hero.

We don’t even have the fun of beating each other to death for the mayor spot, either; the robots have taken everything from us. I hate all this pomp and ceremony, all these filthy, colourful banners. And you know what? You should, too. Elections aren’t for entertainment, they are meant to serve a purpose. Our leader should be the strongest and the smartest, not the one that can talk the goodest.

So if you see an election banner, poster or bunting around the town, tear that shit down and piss on it. For the good of Crumble.

– Melvin Li