While we all wait for our brave, magnificent hero to find that sneaky job listing in the town square, let’s take a moment to review some of the letters the Crumble Bulletin has received recently.

After I put out a call for responses yesterday, Mary’s been flat out sorting through all the mail! Don’t know how she managed to avoid being eaten by that wolfcat with a note shaved into its fur, but then that’s our Mary – always efficient, even under pressure.

Lucy Cohen told us…

Dear Flynn, Higgins, Mary an’ that rude sweary bloke

Not three days back, I found mah husband face down in a ditch just a ways down the street. At first I thinks, Oh that lazy ol’ husband, but then I gets closer an’ I realise all is not well, as they say.

I turns him over to see why he’s lyin’ in the mud, and lo’ and behold, he’s got an axe wound the size of a Waste Beast’s grin on his face. Who else could have axed a man so proper other than that damned hero? You know, I was speakin’ with Edwina Packard a time ago and she says she saw the hero with an axe.

Now I gots to find a new husband. You know how hard that is?

Sort it out, Flynn!

Lucy

You think that’s bad? Things take a turn for the real when you read this next letter:

Hi,

I am good citizen.

Week ago, I contact Crumble sheriff about adventurer in my home. Adventurer steal my things. Steal my family things. I tell sheriff in person – I not leave note in Criminal Suggestion Box. Good citizen, yes? Concerned citizen.

Next day, I come home from working in mud mines and my children and dog missing. House a mess – clearly big fight. Furniture destroyed. Home destroyed. No sign of children or dog. Blood on floor.

Please give letter to sheriff and help to bring hero to justice. Crumble justice. Like Melvin say.

John

The mysterious killings get even more sinister. What a disaster this whole predicament has become.

Hi Flynn,

Seen as how we are all jumping on the ‘hero killed my folk’ bandwagon (what is bandwagon, anyway?), I wanna put in my story.

So, right, OK. Get this. It’s late at night, right? I decide to go digging in my back garden. I love a bit of digging, just ask anyone. Right? OK. What do I find in the dirt and gravel? Well shit a brick the size of an octorat, it’s my bloody brother’s body. Literally. Bloody. All banged up.

That hero, right? Came into my house at some point when I was home but obviously occupied – ask anyone, I get real occupied, OK? – and offed my brother. She then buried her in my own back yard and covered him up right proper. Who does that?

Someone should kill this hero if you ask me. And you sorta did ask me. You asked everyone, really.

Sam

And these are only a small snapshot of what came flooding into poor Mary’s life. It’s clear that this town has a murder problem, and I think the safest thing to do is agree that it’s clearly the thieving, murdering hero’s fault.

We’ll let you know if she takes the ‘job’ we advertised! Stay tuned.

– Flynn Harris