G’day everyone, Melvin here but not with another one of Melvin’s Opinions. I’m filling in for that dipshit Flynn because he’s been hauled off by the sheriff’s department to have a “little talk” with the mayor.
Crumble Bulletin officially warned
If the message wasn’t clear enough already on account of the sheriffs trashing the place and knocking Mary out of her chair, the Crumble Bulletin – long Crumble’s favourite news outlet – has received a written warning from the Mayor’s Office. The mayor himself appointed an assistant, who then appointed an intern, to produce the warning, which “hens fourth” bars the publication from producing any new Call to Arms posters for peaceful protest, and warns it from stirring up any more trouble.
Flynn himself was then arrested by the sheriff’s department and taken to the mayor’s office. It is believed he is receiving much the same warning from the mayor himself, but bugger knows what’s really going on. We’ll update you when he returns.
That is, of course, assuming he does.
You can read the full outline of the warning below.
Mayor Minopoly’s assistant’s intern’s letter of warning
“Dear the Crumble Bulletin and all of its duly appointed staffers,
As a lawful and important representative of the Office of Mayor Minopoly, the democratically and fairly elected mayor of Crumble, I hereby issue this here most written of warnings. You are to cease and desist and stop and please don’t do again any and all and most actions related to any Call to Arms posters recently or soon-to-be released by your somewhat shabby publication. These posters are spreading Fear and Lies and Fakeness around the township, and fanning the flames of illegal activity. It must be stopped, hens fourth and from now on.
The mayor’s assistant would like to remind you that he was reminded by the mayor himself that Mayor Minopoly was democratically and fairly elected by the people of Crumble, during an entirely fair and democratic election process. Although there has been an unfortunate string of incidents related to FALSE and FAKE allegations that the mayor is corrupt and that he cheated, it is important to remember that these are being committed by an insignificant amount of the local population, and do not represent the true opinions of Crumble, which voted for Mayor Minopoly for a reason.
Mayor Minopoly will continue to provide peace and security for the township and Central Oughta Go, bringing more jobs and lifting our economy. He will do this despite the Crumble Bulletin’s many attempts to validate and publicate the CRIMES being committed by the few – very few – Edwina Packard supporters butthurt by missing out on a victory. Which, might I repeat, was fair and democratic.
So, a final message: Stop spreading lies, cease your incessant poster-making and stop trying to undermine the positive efforts of Mayor Minopoly, which are for the good of the town.
Seriously. Bloody stop it.
Yours most ever sincerely,
Danny”
– Melvin
