Hi everyone, and thanks to Danny for letting me post on the Bulletin.

Myself, Mable from down the road, and She Who Crushes Your Skull Underfoot have decided to band together and make a little competitive knitting club. It’s officially called the Crumble Organisation for Competitive Knitters and we’re very excited to bring this sport to the Central Oughta Go region.

What is the Crumble Organisation for Competitive Knitters?

Basically we’re going to meet once a week at Mable’s house because she has that lovely conservatory that only leaks a little bit and gets quite warm on a nice day. There will be two groups at the knitters club:

• Competitive knitting: Experienced knitters are each given an objective and the requisite materials and must produce the desired object the fastest. Prizes for first, second, and third, and you get to keep the knitwear that you make.
• Knitting lessons: She Who Crushes Your Skull Underfoot has volunteered to teach new players how to knit competitively so that they can enjoy the sport to its fullest. She has also promised not to crush anyone’s skull underfoot even if she gets really mad. This rule will be enforced by myself and Mable, but maybe don’t push her too far.

The first official meeting of the Crumble Organisation for Competitive Knitters is the end of this week at dusk. If you’re new you don’t have to bring anything but we ask that competitors bring their own needles and weapons. We know it’s not for everyone but this will be a full-contact sport, as you would expect from competitive knitting. If you want to play a friendly game without the physicality, we can maybe organise that separately.

Finally, big thank you to Old Mad Charlie from Only Wools and Horses for agreeing to be our sponsor and supply the necessary knitting materials. Charlie you’re a dream, a hunk, and a gentleman. If anybody in Crumble ever needs to purchase either wool or horses, we would highly recommend Charlie. He’s got great prices and a lovely ass (Jessop, a sweet old mule that’s quite cute and friendly once you look past that strange deformed head).

See you all at the competition!

– Fanny