The despicable breacher-of-peace and murderer-of-good-writing known as Flynn Harris has, henceforth and as of this moment, been branded a wanted fugitive by the esteemed Mayor’s Office. If you have any information that might lead the sheriff’s department to the secretive, clandestine hideout of the one-time, unskilled Crumble Bulletin editor, please report it to your nearest sheriff or the Mayor’s Office itself.
What is Mr Harris wanted for?
In addition to simply being a detestable human being and a liar, “writer” and criminal Flynn Harris is wanted for the following heinous crimes:
- Disturbing the peace, and making Crumble a more dangerous place to live.
- Encouraging disruption in others. He has been known to incite violence in others, including enraging groups into a mob.
- Unnecessarily and repetitively fat shaming our esteemed Mayor and, as an extension, all Crumble citizens who do not fit his narrow-minded view of a healthy body. People come in all shapes and sizes, and sadly, one of those shapes is Flynn Harris.
Do you really want such a scandalous individual running about YOUR town? I don’t think so.
Report to the Mayor’s Office at once with information. He is not considered dangerous. If you see him, you are allowed and encouraged at this time to both approach and attack.
– Danny Leonardo the Third or Fourth Depending on Who You Ask
