The no-good, criminal-turned-criminal-again Crusty Higgins has been declared Wanted by the sheriffs office after being charged with helping the so-called Resisters.
Henceforth, forthwith and forever more until Death does his part, anyone harbouring the known fugitive and quite rude human being known as Crusty Higgins will face the full force of the law. And, given I’ve been recently informed the sheriffs department has purchased some kind of shoulder-mounted rocket launcher (non-nuclear, of course, so the Overlords don’t take it away), that force of theirs is really quite forceful at the moment.
What is Higgins Wanted for?
In case you’ve been living under a rock this whole time – and we do understand that that’s where some of you have been living recently – Crusty Higgins is – was – the Crumble Bulletin’s in-house artist, designer and beholder of colouring pencils.
He had built a reputation for his foul mouth, and even fouler language. One could not approach this dispicable, disgraceful, disgusting human being (should we even dare call him that) without retching in disgust, pulling away, and just hoping that he gets his work done.
However, despite all his many shortcomings, the bad actor that is Crusty Higgins – a well-known criminal – was still loyal to the Bulletin, its readers, and its mayor. Why, his cartoons lampooning current events could even be humorous at times! If not funny, then at least something we could nod at and go, “Ah yes, that’s so true. I see that.”
BUT ALAS.
He has turned to darkness.
We have tolerated Higgins’ political leanings for some time, and tried hard to forget his ugly, insulting drawings of our dear mayor from all throughout the campaign, and well into the early days of his mayorship. But his recent helping of the dispicable Flynn Harris hijacking the Bulletin for his virulent propoganda poster – and indeed, designing said poster – was a step too far.
Higgins is now a Wanted man. We don’t care if he’s brought in alive, so long as he’s put down. Anyone with information that might lead to his whereabouts should report it to the mayor’s office post-haste, to be rewarded with a “Get out of punishment” card, which can be flashed at a future occasion to reduce punishment for your inevitable future crimes.
But approach Higgins with caution. His criminal past has taught him many tricks of violence and he will likely disembowel you before you have a chance to shout, “Stop, I need that part!”. We recommend ganging up on him with a big group. The bigger and uglier, the better.
– Danny Leonardo the Third or Fourth Depending on Who You Ask
