Townsfolk of Crumble, I’m gonna make this simple.
I know everything there is to know about you, and I’m prepared to share it mercilessly.
I know the affair that is happening at the west end of Bendy Road. I know who killed Bruntilda the Mighty. I know who’s been spending a little too much time at the pub, and who bought out Robert’s supply of beefworms so he could gorge in secret while the rest of his family went hungry.
But this isn’t a threat. It’s a promise. If I know all of this and I’m not mayor, imagine the kind of information I can learn when I am mayor. And by knowing every little thing you need, want, everything that hurts you, makes you sad, makes you happy, makes you bleed or stitches you up, I can steer this town towards a future for YOU. It’s not about money, it’s not about business, it’s not about whatever the hell Alex is on about – it’s about YOU.
And I know all about you. Oh yes I do.
Vote Edwina. Or else.
– Edwina Packard
[Flynn here again. For the record, I didn’t buy out all of Robert’s stock of beefworms, I just bought most of it. And also for the record, I didn’t eat them all, Higgins had some as well. And my family doesn’t talk to me so they can starve all they like. Stingy sods that they are.]