Holy shit balls, folks, things got ugly real quick – and I’m not talking about a surprise Old Man McGregor.

Riots erupting all over town

Since the announcement of the new Crumble mayor, riots led by the angered Edwina-whack-‘ards are sprouting up all over town. Shitting hell, I barely made it back to the Bulletin office alive, with fist fights, bottle brawls, and a couple of death races happening on every bloody street corner! I saw three corpses on my way here, and who knows how many injured. I didn’t know people could death race with Droves pulled by children, but damn if I wasn’t impressed by the spinning blade wheels on Lucy Cohen’s ride.

People are walking down the street chanting and chanting, “Mr Minopoly is a cheat, Mr Minopoly smells like feet,” as well as plenty more too unseemly to publish here.

There are reports that some of the worst fights are clogging up the roads leading to Minopoly HQ, and the closer you get, the bloodier the mud.

All of this is occurring at the same time Mr Minopoly is giving his victory speech down at his no-doubt-heavily-guarded headquarters – which we won’t be reporting about on accout of not receiving an invitation. I thought about turning up uninvited, but I’m hearing reports that some of the worst fights are clogging up the roads leading to that end of town, and the closer you get to Minopoly HQ, the bloodier the mud.

I’m gonna stay here, hide, and drink. Stay safe out there, Crumble folk. Lock your doors if you actually can, or grip a good, solid weapon if you have no door.

Things are getting bad out there. Real, real bad.

’tis the end times. Panic is allowed.

– Flynn