After the recent upsurge in nuisance behaviour, back-talking, and wriggling lots when being arrested, Mayor Minopoly in conjunction with the sheriffs office has officially and henceforth banned public displays of resistance.

What this means for your daily lives

For the most part, most of you should be unaffected by this change in law. If anything, you’ll get to see more frequent public humiliations and executions which will make for fun family entertainment on a boring weekend.

However, if you are one of the ruffians, one of the scum, who has taken it upon themselves to Be Difficult, your days are numbered. It doesn’t matter if you can’t count, they’re still numbered. You just won’t know what number you’re up to.

Public displays of resistance in all forms will be punished to the full extent of the long, very muscly arm of the law. The law is specifically vague to encompass all forms of resistance, from being mean to a sheriff right up to genuine terrorist acts. So if you see a sheriff, be nice. Now they can punish you for even the smallest slight.

And the Resisters?

While we’ve already called the Resisters a terrorist group many times, this new law officially makes it, well, law.

Anyone who has joined the Resisters group will suffer swift execution (that is, swiftly scheduled – the execution itself, I hear, will be horrifically slow). It’s simply unacceptable to keep being such a pain in the ass in this modern day and age of democratic process and generous infrastructure projects.

So stop being dicks. Honestly.

– Danny Leonardo the Third or Fourth Depending on Who You Ask