Mayor Minopoly’s new policies have finally kicked in, and there is an entire platoon of new sheriffs with boots on the ground – and it would seem, in some people’s faces. We’re also getting reports of Crumble folk mysteriously vanishing in the night.

So, I’m not as worried about that last point as I am the first. People vanish in the night all the time – it’s freaking Crumble, right? Hell, my old mam took off a-wandering back when I was just a tot, never to return. She thought irradiated pixies were chasing her.

But I’m getting off track here…

Law enforcement, or law enforcement?

According to the Town Council, 23 new sheriffs have been added to the Crumble sheriff’s department this past week, bringing our total number of law enforcement officers to, well, 24.

But I’m hearing complaints from a number of Crumble citizens that these new sheriffs haven’t undergone the same kind of, err, training, as our previous deputies; in that they seem rather violent. More violent than normal, anyway.

Old Man McGregor reports being routinely beaten, kicked out of his hovel and – perhaps worst of all – personally insulted.

Old Man McGregor has left about six complaints at the Crumble Bulletin office (please stop leaving complaints, McGregor, we don’t have anywhere to put all these amputated limbs with notes carved into the skin). He reports being routinely beaten, kicked out of his hovel and – perhaps worst of all – personally insulted.

According to witness reports, these new sheriffs have been hired from out of town, and come experienced in blunt weapons, sharp weapons, shooty weapons, and foot-to-face combat. It would seem that almost anything provokes them, so take this as an official warning: Don’t provoke the new sheriffs!

We’ve reached out to Moppers for comment, and will update you when have more.

UPDATE:

Moppers has sent a sheriff round to our office, and delivered the following statement:

“The new and improved sheriff’s department is precisely what the people of Crumble voted for when they voted for me – so it can’t be as bad as these whiners are saying. If someone is receiving a call from our proud, dedicated sheriffs, it is because they have committed a crime. And if stopping crime is a crime, then I deserve a foot to the face as well.”

We’ll provide more on this as things develop.

– Flynn