Mary handed me a letter today that I think speaks for many of the younger Crumble folk. Once I wiped all the green ooze off the paper, it said this:

Dear editor,

I’m confused about somethin’, and not just why my eyes keep meltin’ without me askin’ them to.  It sounds like bein’ mayor is hard work, so why would ya even bother applyin’ for the role?

Cheers,

Davie

Well Davie, here’s a little breakdown for you.

The Crumble political system

Overlord Command

At the top of the food chain in Crumble is Overlord Command. From the robots’ big shiny metal building at the heart of town, they more or less govern Central Oughta Go. They set laws and uphold them, imprison anyone who defies them, and occasionally ask for a torture victim in return for their continued protection. Or just for whatever reason they like. The town sheriff deals with the little stuff, like spitting, pissing in public, or unjustified murder.

The mayor

Then ya got the mayor. Now, a whole bunch of years ago, our ancestral Crumble folk rebelled against Overlord Command ’cause they were torturing one too many folk. I think there was a farming issue in there, too. Not enough pigcows or something … I didn’t pay attention when I was taught. Those fine fellas actually did a fair number on the Overlord population of the time (three cheers for humanity), so the robots had to put down their guns and start chatting about terms.

That’s when the ‘Fleshy Skin Leader Act’ was passed. A mayor was appointed, who would be able to negotiate for the needs of us humans straight to Overlord Primarch, in return for accepting torture once a month to keep him/her from getting too big for their boots.

The position of mayor was for a while a town vote like this year, then it became Trial by Combat for ages. If you never saw that system, make sure you ask someone about the Tom vs. Eric fight. I’ve literally never seen so much blood. And to think that Eric had four rows of teeth, three arms and was twice Tom’s size, too! Never underestimate the underdog.

In summary

Soooo, yeah. As mayor, ya basically get to say what stuff happens in Crumble, One Acre, and the Queen’s Town (if they’ll accept it over there). It’s pretty neat, I’m told.

If I was mayor, I’d make starving illegal. If you went hungry, you’d have to be killed, so then there’d be more food for everyone else – a fantastic system if you ask me…

Anyway, hope this clears thing up for you, Davie!

Stay tuned for announcements on who’s running for mayor this year. We’ll let you know when we know.

– Flynn Harris.