Most of somebody’s left ear has been handed into the Crumble Bulletin office. If you most assuredly want this important organ returned to you, please make way post haste and immediately to come and claim it.

Where found: According to the individual who handed it in, whom shall not be named on account of me not knowing its name, the ear, or indeed what’s left of it, was discovered in a “bloody patch” near the entrance to Victory Pub. The blood was fresh last night, although the ear is much less so this afternoon.

– Danny Leonardo the Third or Fourth Depending on Who You Ask