After the mayor’s office strongly encouraged his resignation, disgraced Flynn Harris has voluntarily removed himself from the Crumble Bulletin and will never write again. Mayor Minopoly has appointed me as his replacement: Danny Leonardo the Third or Fourth Depending on Who You Ask. I will be assuming the role of lead Bulletin writer from here on out.

Now, that’s enough for pleasantries. I would like to take a moment to explain to you the changes you can expect in the Crumble Bulletin over the coming weeks.

Changes to Bulletin over coming weeks

The first major change is that you can finally rejoice. The Crumble Bulletin will cease immediately all crass, tabloid publication of irresponsible fictional news. There will be no more calls to arms, no more so-called investigations, and no more distribution of false facts that lead to public disorder and general unhappiness.

The Crumble Bulletin will cease immediately all crass, tabloid publication of irresponsible fictional news.

Henceforth and from now, the Crumble Bulletin will be a beacon of newsworthy facts and credible journalism. We will regularly report on township productivity to showcase the positive effects of Mayor Minopoly’s economical cycle, and keep you informed of any and all important public issues if or when they arise. We will be swift and truthful in our telling of events, and strive to remain politically unbiased – unlike my predecessor.

Before you ask, Melvin Li, Crusty Higgins and Mary are all still treasured employees of the Crumble Bulletin, however due to their unfortunate association with the appalling Flynn Harris, their various roles within this publication will be diminished.

Please “stay tuned” as those in the business like to say. Your new Crumble Bulletin is here.

– Danny Leonardo the Third or Fourth Depending on Who You Ask