General Archibald Archibald is looking for brave young men, women, and anyone else suitable to help him defend the innocent people of Crumble from the existential flora threat.

You’d be forgiven for thinking Crumble is a safe, happy place. But not a few miles as the gullpidgeon flies to the northwest lies a terrible, monstrous threat. Though slow moving and unthreatening by apperance, the floral menace of trees and shurbs cannot be understated. Given the opportunity, the Western Forests would surely and greedily devour all of Central Oughta Go, and humanity beyond.

Join the One Acre Wall now – FIGHT BACK THE FOREST!

There is a place for all and for all a place on the One Acre Wall. If you cannot shoot a gun you shall swing an axe. Fail to swing an axe and you can throw rocks. Fail to throw rocks and we can throw you! Your sacrifice will help save countless other lives.

And, for a limited time only, anyone who cites the code word ‘BULLETIN’ when signing up will receive free Will Advice and Death Compensation from resident accountant Mr Minopoly for them and their loved ones.

Do not let your cowardice define you. Join us today.

– The Office of General Archibald Archibald