Evening Update

Night is falling all around us, but the voting line here at the Crumble town hall won’t let up! It’s been a good day of voting and fighting so far, but we’ll be drawing to a close in a few hours.

So how are we looking?

Looking back on this momentous day

It was a truly momentous day today, with Crumble’s vote-based election running smoothly as can be expected. We’ve seen all sorts of town celebrities skipping ahead in the line, most notably the candidates themselves (which you can read about in my last update), as well as Steve and Olivia from the Stick Centre, the town sheriff, and even General Archibald Archibald from One Acre! That’s right, he came all this way just to cast a vote – so what’s your excuse if you just sat around all day?

It was a truly momentous day today, with Crumble’s vote-based election running smoothly as can be expected.

Riot rumblings grow louder

The two political gangs that coalesced earlier in the day have picked up the kind of momentum you’d expect from fat ol’ Mr Minopoly hisself rolling down a hill. The Monopolites, as they have begun to call themselves, have escalated their attacks on the Edwina-whack-‘ards (an extraordinarily clever name, that is sadly not matched by their combat prowess) throughout the day, bringing the total body count to about six and a half (we can’t find that other half).

Total body count of the day: 6.5 (can’t find the other half)

I spoke with the town sheriff on the matter, but he doesn’t seem worried juuuuuust yet.

“Look, Flynn,” he said, “until this spontaneous gang war engulfs more than a few nut-jobs and old bigots [truth – there are a lot of bigots in the Monopolites], I’m not classing it as an unauthorised mob. Hell, it’ll probably take care of itself. One of ’em has to win, eh? And when that happens, it’ll be over.”

We’ll keep you updated on the fights if they progress any further. Or we won’t if they progress too far – because we’ll be cowering. But then, you’ll likely find out yourself if that happens.

No word on a potential victor

I’ve spoken with plenty of you today to try and get an idea on who is more popular. Big thanks to all of you who didn’t tell me to eff off, to leave before you “start asking [me] questions with a fist”, and to all the folks who didn’t try stabbing me.

My preli, uh, preliminarary – prerilimanary? – results are inconclusive. I’ve seen a fairly even mix of Mr Minopoly and Edwina Packard voters, from across all walks of life here in Crumble. If you reckon you can predict who’s gonna win, I reckon you’re full of shit. Or guessing. There’s a 50% chance you’ll get it right – I don’t wanna see any so-called psychics popping up after this election.

Stay tuned for the final results, which we’ll be bringing you later this evening after the counters have been through all the Vote Forms that are legible!*

– Flynn

*despite warnings, I’ve seen a few half-eaten Vote Forms flapping about in the wind. I don’t believe the Town Council will count any ones with bite marks in ’em. Consider yourself warned a second time.