Hi everyone, I’m Doctor Goldstein, Crumble’s most trusted (and only) medical expert.

I’m posting on the Bulletin today because a lot of you have been coming to me recently with medical troubles that, quite frankly, don’t require a practitioner. You see, injury is commonplace here in the Waste, but that doesn’t mean you need to seek out immediate medical attention. Heck, half the time you can probably just pull some clothing over the hole and let it seal itself up!

I know, though, how hard it is to tell whether you need to come and see me. Pain is hard to deal with, and oozing green pus will wreak havoc on your love life. However, in order to ensure that the citizens of Crumble who need my help the most get it first, I need you to self-diagnose before coming to my office.

With the help of Mr Higgins’ artistic abilities, I’ve put together a flowchart that you can follow when you become injured.