It’s been six days since my last bulletin report – six days of what could only be described as hell on Waste. And considering we all live in a rotten, festering bog hole of a town – where death knocks on our doors as regularly as the postman (who, admittedly, doesn’t knock half as often as he’s meant to) – I think we can all agree that’s certainly a statement and a half.

Whole sections of Crumble cordoned off

There seems to be no end in sight of the violence, as the Edwina-whack-‘ards gang continues to gain popular support while Mr Minopoly attempts to begin his term as Crumble Mayor.

There seems to be no end in sight of the violence

Three whole blocks – from Alfie’s Street right up to Ernest’s Street – have been cordoned off by the sheriff and thirteen of his newly sworn emergency deputies as the fighting gets out of control. Mary lives down thataways, and she says she’s not even been home in three days ’cause every time she tries, she witnesses another vicious murder and has to talk to the sheriff for the rest of the evening.

Why are people rioting so much?

In case you’re part of the small community west of Crumble living under rocks, people are rioting after a hugely disappointing – and many say illegal – mayorship victory by Mr Minopoly and his crew. Reports and rumours have come in from all angles (one literally dropped on my head) suggesting the elections were rigged at the last minute, and Mr Minopoly won through sheer force of dastardliness.

Reports and rumours have come in suggesting the elections were rigged, and Mr Minopoly won through sheer force of dastardliness.

In what should have been – and looked very like – a clean and easy victory for his now-in-hiding opponent, Edwina Packard, vote numbers for Monoppers rocketed up in the 11th hour, taking the rotund financial wizard to an overwhelming victory six days ago.

That’s when shit got cray cray.

The damage so far

The most damage done to Crumble so far has been at Minopoly HQ, where some of the largest brawls took place on the first night after Moppers was voted in. Numerous hovels were flattened in a stampede of angry humans and almost-humans, as well as the local water well (which tasted like blood anyway, so no harm done), and one particularly nice piece of art.

The most damage done to Crumble so far was at Minopoly HQ, where some of the largest brawls took place

Since then, the violence has spread like that weird tumour on my face, with reports coming in of damage to homes and public property from Malty Road all the way down to Alfie’s St.

I’ve reached out to Mr Mopatops himself for comment on the matter, and just what he intends to do about it.

Stay tuned for more on this developing crisis.

– Flynn

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