I have just received some really quite “breaking news”, as we say in the business. In fact, it even put a hole in the wall. Although that was also the doing of some of the Mayor’s henchmen who rather didn’t fit through the door.

Mayor Minopoly to announce new funding cuts

Well, my dear good people of Crumble except those of you in the Resisters who are the literal insects of the human populace, he campaigned on the idea and now he’s following through – we have received word to expect Mayor Minopoly to announce a raft of new funding changes, one of which is to strip away funding from the One Acre Wall.

Why strip its funding?

Our wonderful mayor will explain all soon enough, but my guess is that it’s because it’s bloody expensive, that’s why. Have you ever tried to fund a wall that stretches who knows how many kilometres? What is it, 60, 70, 80??? Can you, dear reader, even count that high?

Keeping that sodding thing standing fair drains the coffers, especially the wonky bits of wall that are up in the hills above Crumble. And think of the soldiery. All those people just walking back and forth all day everyday. They need food, shelter, weapons, and presumably jigjaw puzzles or else I’m not sure what it is that they do with their boring days.

The reality is that the Western Forest isn’t the problem that it used to be. Decades’ worth of hacking, chopping, and flame throwing has pushed the edge all the way back. In fact, you can’t even see the edge of the forest now from the wall. The trees know who’s boss and they’ve buggered off to go menace somebody else.

So do we really need the wall to be so heavily funded? It is, after all, a wall. It exists whether some imbecile marches along its battlements or not. It’s still a bloody great wall. All we need is a few engineers and the odd security guard to keep them safe and we can keep that thing maintained without having to feed and entertain a horde of mindless meatheads.

I for one look forward to hearing about the cuts, and for all that money to be given to us instead.

– Danny Leonardo the Third or Fourth Depending on Who You Ask