G’day, all! Murder Matt here from Murder Matt’s Mud Emporium!

Look around ya, right now. Go on, do it. A full three-sixty. Whadda ya see? A crumbling Crumble, that’s what. Wood fallin’ off everythin’ – rottin’, goin’ all soggy. But wait, what’s that up the street? Old Betty’s hovel is standing tall an’ proud, an’ hasn’t it been that way for donks?

That’s cause Betty built her hovel out of Murder Matt’s Mud Emporium quality mud bricks!

Murder Matt’s Mud Emporium quality mud bricks are the talk of the town, an’ sure to keep your home standin’ no matter what life throws at it. An’ you know what? If some plonker puts a hole in it with their gun or hammer or mutated gigantic fist, alls ya need to do is slap some of Murder Matt’s Mud Emporium quality Mud Gappy on it, an yer’ll be right as rain*.

An’ if some geezer comes along an’ asks ya to build with wood, well ya oughta slap that person right in the face. Murder Matt’s Mud Emporium studies show that wood will be long gone within the next decade, so get with the times and buy Murder Matt’s Mud Emporium quality mud bricks today.

Your hovel will look so good, your friends will wanna murder ya for it.

*Note: Strong acid rain has been known to rot away inferior quality mud bricks. To ensure longevity of your hovel, always choose Murder Matt’s Mud Emporium mud bricks and not anybody else’s ’cause they suck.