The mayor’s office has banned all forms of public gathering. Crumble citizens should be aware that any form of group, gang or hang out that gathers in a public space is now considered highly illegal, and the sheriff’s office is out in force cracking down on such antisocial activity. I literally just watched one of those big meaty sheriffs (you know, the ones with all the meat) smack Betty Waller on the back of the head and drag her away for walking to the local shop with her family.

Granted, having 19 kids is a few too many and all those teenagers of hers do look like a gang of thugs now that they’ve turned into horrendous, pimply adolescents. The big one, Billy, he’s the ugliest of them all. And he owes me money – little bastard.

But anyway.

On another note, if you’d like to see the first public whipping of this new law, come on down to the town square tomorrow arvo where the Ted Aldrich Harmonic Quartet will be stripped and then stripped (but the other meaning of the word) because they didn’t stop busking with the whole band in time.

Interesting that they removed the 90-day jail time. Apparently people were abusing that punishment to get a place to sleep at night, as we predicted earlier in the week.

Stay safe out there, Crumble folk. It’s getting real dangerous.

– Flynn