Hi there, thanks for popping by and checking out your new favourite local publication, the Crumble Bulletin. Here at the Bulletin office, myself and my fellow teammates – Melvin, Higgins and Mary – are delighted to be able to bring you all the latest news, public announcements, entertainment and gossip, straight from the horse’s mouth.

What is a horse? We don’t know either! But its mouth is here, and so is all your information.

What’s the point in all this nonsense?

In the busy lives of us Crumble folk, it can be easy to think, “Oh, but Flynn, I can’t read the Bulletin. I don’t have time. My wife is dying. My three children melted the other night. Our dog has started speaking in tongues.” Well, this may indeed be the case for many of you, but time-poor or time-wealthy, we all need informative updates.

Ever since the team from Crumble News Now exploded in that horrible Overlord altercation three years’ back, the townsfolk (that’s you) of Crumble have been in the dark about what’s happening. Hear a horrible noise at night? You may need to know what it is. Worried about Waste Beasts on the roads? We’ll tell you where they are, and who got gobbled recently.

So bury your wife. Scoop your children into a jar. Listen to your dog and see what he has to say. You still have 10 minutes each day to learn about your town, and we recommend spending that with us at the Crumble Bulletin.

…as oppose to listening to Old Man McGregor talking. He’s a bloody liar! Told folk poor Mary has three tits and claws for feet. She still gets funny looks! That old bastard.

– Flynn Harris

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