You! You there, stop your meaningless task and look here! This is the Crumble Bulletin, your one-stop shop for all the best news, gossip and random strands of thought from around Crumble. And to get it you don’t even have to go and gossip with that flappy-mouthed Edwina Packard (whom we all sorely adore, yes yes don’t write a complaint).
WHAT’S INSIDE?
- BREAKING NEWS from around the region, from happy occasions to messages of imminent death.
- A delightful (in the sarcastic sense) OPINIONS COLUMN from that old fart Melvin Li who used to write for Crumble News Now (before, you know, it exploded).
- ILLUSTRATIONS from our favourite criminal-turned-OK-human-being Crusty Higgins, who we all try hard not to upset.
- Local ADVERTISEMENTS and GUEST UPDATES, so we can, you know, make a buck.
We cover all the latest goings on, and proudly risk our lives to ensure the good citizens of Crumble are constantly in the know, up to date, and feeling a little more intelligent. Join our team of Flynn, Mary, Melvin, and Crusty Higgins and strap in – it’s going to be a wild ride.
If you don’t have straps, just grip the seat a bit tighter.
…if you don’t have any chairs, we’re sorry – you’ll have to just sit on the floor. Yes we know it’s scary down there, and your brother died from inhaling the dust, but it’s your own fault. Get a job, contribute to society, and then you’ll be able to afford a chair. It’s your own fault, and you brought this on yourself.
Now, let’s get on with the news, shall we?
